Merle's Mother and Grandmother

Karl Loren

Dear Mr. Loren,

I have read every word of this article and tho some of it sounds cold  I agree with so much of it.

I cried a river, would wipe tears and read more and cry again.

My mother had an awful extended illness with cancer as did my grandmother.

With both these women I became the caregiver. My grandmother was sick at a time when I could be there and see about her.  I tried to give her as much care in her time of need as she had given me as a young child. I walked through her sickness calmly and devotedly until she died.

My mother was unable to be calm and relaxed with her.

My mother was totally a different story! I was unprepared in everyway to except or let go of her!

I went through a time that I really thought I was going to lose my mind.

It was constant care, because I refused to put her anywhere. I gave her, her shots and whatever she needed. She did not want to go and fought with everything in her.

I went for weeks and months after she died going to the cemetery and talking with her and just being with her. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I finally quit going to the cemetery to save my own self! But, tho I got over it and went on with my life and never went to a insane hospital (lol) there never was a door closed.

Til today over 20 years later I still feel the pain of loss!

Purpose for writing:  I have one child and though I am very healthy now, I plan on getting with my daughter and having her read the Hospice part and talking with her openly about the end to help when the time comes to let go of me.

She is the only child and has been very deeply dependant on me for advice, security, etc. all her life. She has been very verbal about not ever letting me go.

Sorry this has took so long but you opened up a "keg of nail".  I cannot change the painful departing of my mother but I can go on now and prepare my daughter for the time of my departing.

I do not believe in doing anything to make a dying person go, but I do not believe in keeping them alive when the time is obviously there.

I have made a firm request that no machine be hooked to me to keep me alive when it is my time to go.  I am aware I stand a risk of cancer.  I will not allow a doctor to cut on me or use chemotherapy on me if I do have cancer because of the experience I witnessed with my mother.

Thanks,

Merle

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