A student in need of help!

Karl Loren

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Sunday, January 20, 2002 12:40 AM
To: karl@karlloren.com
Subject: more information

Hi Karl,

Again I thank you for taking your own time, I am sure you have a great many things to do than cater to a stranger but I was very glad to see you wrote me back. I will try and make much more clear in this letter. I am almost getting the hang of what kind of answers you seek.

First off, I am not involved in or have ever been involved in any illegal drugs, pot, crack, coke.. whatever in high school I seen many kids take that path and saw their lives deteriorate before my eyes. As much as I told you I hate prescription drugs I hate illegal drugs. I never even drank alcohol until after I graduated high school. I suppose that was something I was pressured into by friends. But I can't blame anyone, the decision was mine. When school was out of session, I was drinking after work and as many as 3-4 times a week but this quickly slowed down after a year or so. Gradually it decreased. I barely ever drink now. I think it would be the worse way for me to deal with my problems.

The drugs that were given to me from the doctor was called Serax, I took this for about 4-5 days once a day. He then wanted to put me on Paxil, he said that my problem is bio chemical (or some nonsense, that its my brain not the outside world). When I stopped taking the Serax (Think that's the spelling) I began to feel dizzy at nights, I told this to my Doctor and he said it was my anxiety getting worse. I started to take the Paxil, it made me wake up in cold sweats and sleepless. I stopped taking it a few days after. Note the Doctor was a one hired by the school, not my family physician. he also called my family physician I guess just to reinforce his decision.

You wanted to know more about Dave. We have been very close for about 6 years. Known him for about 8-9. When we are together we are very out going and can easily make people laugh. I think we kind of grew on each other in high school because we both shared the anti-conformity mindset, what I mean by that is that we didn't dress, or act the way it was quote end quote cool, or normal, or accepted. We shared a love for many things that kids are age are not interested in, oldies music such Beach Boys Phil Specter, Jan & Dean. We both were very interested in Movies at our community college we took many film courses, something I actually miss a lot now. The guy is extremely bright, and witty, and has a near ingenious sense of humor. His grades were never very good at school not horrible but nothing to raise an eyelid. But in my opinion grades do not measure intelligence they just measure commitment to a forced institutionalized learning system. I may be even as bold to call the kid a dreamer, he turns to new hobbies and trends every so often and as they fizzle out who goes onto something else that he finds interesting.

I don't resent him for anything that happened, I love the kid, its so hard for me to ever be mad at him, I think he would feel the same way about me. We still are close, since he failed out of [school] things have never been quite the same between us. I feel like he took the easy way out, and he will never understand what I am going through. Deep down it is hard for me to let that go.

As for when I said I hate school, I may have misconstrued my own thought, I hate going away to [school], it is not so much the classes, I love to learn, its the being at that place that I hate. I'm sure you might have thought, why not simply quit or transfer, it is simple... My parents are the least understanding people in the world. it is impossible for me to speak to them about personal issues, that is the way its been always. They would see it as "you only have a year left -- suck it up" but meanwhile they don't know what I feel like inside, and I don't think they want to know.

My girlfriend [Mary] is very special to me. I think if anyone believes I can get better it is her. She is my 2nd intimate girlfriend, the 1st being one in high school, both have never been intimate with other males before being with me. [Mary] is truly a kind person. She has not an evil bone in her body. She has helped me see things in a different light and I think helped me grow as a person. I have more respect for other cultures and ideas that I probably would have put-down before knowing her. I also think she is the main reason why I don't drink as much anymore. She does not do drugs or drink at all, which I admired about her. Our relationship is far more based on our friendship then sex. We rarely often even have sex anymore. I am perfectly content with this. However, she thinks that we have sex less because I am not as attracted to her as I was when we first met. I think it is because we are such close friends that it is one of the least important things of our relationship. I think with the anxiety and depression my sex drive has lessened, I'm not so sure. [Mary] does not have an outstanding home life, her parents have split due to adulatory on occasion, but have somehow remained together. One thing about her is she never trusts me when I go out with other friends. She has a bad impression of males giving in to sexual desires to other females. I think she lacks self confidence in her physical attractiveness and thinks I am very much interested in other females. When I first met her I was physically attracted to her but I love her for who she is far over her looks or any material BS like that. Before I got sick I used to always be there for her problems, just to listen or just be there. It is the other way around as of now, I'd like to change that where it can be a joint effort where we can be there for each other. We were watching TV together the other night and it was a scene where to parents were screaming at each other in front of their kids, we both looked at each other sadly and said to each other "we will never be like that" and that is the God honest truth. We both had to hear that shit growing up, arguing and yelling. I don't understand how humans can be like that, especially when they are your own blood. (there was never physical abuse in our lives, the mental may be worse though) I think we both have the common bond that we need a change in our lives and need to find some peace and hold that peace inside.

My mother is quite unbearable. She is probably on the surface the most negative person in my life. She talks down to me frequently, and acts like I am incompetent to do things like, clean a kitchen, or make my own dinner. She is never mean to me in front of my friends or girlfriend, its almost like a split personality or something, this nice act fools many. She finds a way to complain about me somehow on a regular basis whether it's that I didn't shave my beard or if I stayed in my Pajamas till the afternoon. Its almost laughable the things she will break my balls about, there are so many kids from my high school alone that I know who through their lives away with drugs and other things. I've been a fairly decent and honest kid my whole life and have not caused much grief to my parents but she still treats me like I am a delinquent. In my opinion she has not conception of what a bad kid is these days. I hear things on a daily basis like "as long as your living under my roof...blah blah blah" what is quite ironic is my Dad is the bill payer, it is his roof. My dad tries not to get in my business, but when I try to defend myself he will usually take her side, I think just so he does not have to hear her complain. He is a very quiet and private guy so its hard to say, I know he doesn't always agree. I can seriously write a book on all of her ignorant attitudes and negation towards me. I can honestly say she has no clue what I am all about and I don't even want to waste my time trying anymore, life is to short at best. I have had enough of her calling me an Under Achiever and being compared to my brother, when the time comes for me to do my calling in life, I know in my heart I will achieve it.

More on me and religion. I was born a Catholic and basically forced to grow up that way, which is fine, I went to religion classes to receive my Conformation (catholic ritual). Ever since I studied about Martin Luther I have always felt that the Protestants were right for breaking off. I even tell my dad jokingly sometimes how thankful we should be that they won the "30 years war." My Church is extremely strict and stuck in the dark ages, I stopped going after about 9th grade and seldom go now. I sometimes feel that faith is not a savior I even wonder what is the point off all this (Life) There is so many unanswerable questions to the world it is safe to fall back on belief of god. That is not my reasons for believing. I look at the world and see how beautiful it can be and how calm it can be, and when I look into the stars I know things are just to perfect (meaning the balance of nature) to be an accident. I truly believe that Jesus walked this earth and suffered to teach humanity a lesson. I also truly believe he is with me in my struggle even though its not tangible. Humanity at its best is truly a wonderful thing but anything under that it starts to get ugly. I feel nobody has respect for things like God and Nature anymore. It makes me feel sick, being around people who have no spiritual side, I read in a Hindu Book once its main message was WE ARE NOT THESE BODIES. There is a soul, and its far superior to the body and brain.

What pains me the most is that I feel that its the people who don't have God in their lives or a spiritual side, who sleep walk through life merrily living lives of excess, and lusting for material items. I feel like I am enlightened and I am the miserable one. it does not make sense to me. I want to bring Christ into my life I just have to find the right way to do it. I feel like I need to help myself before I can do anything.

I don't know if I read into things but I am troubled by the way the world works. Meaning, things like rapid growing populations, disease, sickness, destroying nature and wildlife (one of my biggest concerns). I don't know if it is stupid to say but I feel that humanity is going to face a true Holocaust if we keep tampering with things. They call what happened back in the forties a Holocaust but that was man's war against man. If we don't stop this frenzy of greed and evil, we are going to face God's War on man, and its obvious who will win that battle. People are so caught up in this economy, what the hell are we going to buy and sell when we have contaminated this planet beyond repair? I feel like grabbing people and saying it does not have to be this way, we can change things and probably be so much more happy with a simple existence. I hope I am not scarring you with this talk. I feel that most times an individuals voice in usually silent unless he can back it up with money. I think that's about all for now on my mind, let me know what you think. I will further study your site until then.

Bill

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Dear Bill,

I find your message to be useful from the viewpoint of giving me data that I think I can use to help.

Help is the first word to cover here.

Would I be correct in assuming that you would like some help? And, that you consider that I might be an acceptable source of help?

I'll continue on this basis, but be aware that it will be a waste of your time, and mine, if that above is not true.

Congratulations on staying out of the drug scene -- and it sounds like your girlfriend is a positive factor in your life. Did I miss it? Is she going to college -- have her life goals drifted differently from yours.

Of all that you have written, the most useful is that about your mother. As you may have already gotten a clue, I would be suggesting that you must find ways to be less affected by her.

Would I be right in that your parents are still your total financial support? As long as that is true, it will be hard to avoid the relationship.

I, personally, don't think college is anywhere near as important to you, right now, as getting your life straightened out. I personally have an MBA degree from the Harvard Business School, so I do place a high value on education, but going down the school path when you have your state of mind? If college is HELPING you feel happier, fine, but I don't get that from you.

Let me also ask you from where came the idea that you would study "organizational communications" and "public relations?"

I can and will write at length about the foolish nature of these subjects.

Just for starters, give me your understanding of a definition for the word "communication" -- since that is a subject you have been studying.

Many "students" take classes in subjects where they don't ever learn a definition for the major word of the subject -- in many cases this is because there is no valid definition within the course. It can be very very liberating to discover that your upsets in college are because the subjects, themselves, are not possible to understand or use =-= the way they are taught.

Now, it is a vital part of my approach to this that you do answer my questions -- there are still some from my last message you have not commented on?? You might go through it again, and this one, and see if you can supply answers to every question I've asked?

I look forward to continuing this.

In addition to your having to truly want "help" before this can be helpful, it is also necessary that, to some extent, you are willing to follow my directions, at least as to answering questions!

Write again,

Karl Loren

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-----Original Message-----
Sent: Sunday, January 20, 2002 3:48 PM
To: karl@karlloren.com
Subject: Re: more information

In a message dated 1/20/2002 1:34:59 PM Eastern Standard Time, karl@karlloren.com writes:

that you have written, the most useful is that about your mother. As you may have already gotten a clue, I would be suggesting that you must find ways to be less affected by her.
Would I be right in that your parents are still your total financial support? As long as that is true, it will be hard to avoid the relationship.
I, personally, don't think college is anywhere near as important to you, right now, as getting your life straightened out. I personally have an MBA degree from the Harvard Business School, so I do place a high value on education, but going down the school path when you have your state of mind? If college is HELPING you feel happier, fine, but I don't get that from you.

Hello Again Karl,

I will try and keep filling in the missing pieces for you, bare with me on this, I even have to cypher myself on what I think is important or relevant for you to know, but maybe you want to know all and tell me what's relevant?

1st off, yes I can honestly say I would like your help. I have very little trust in Doctors and even Professors at school. And as I said before it is difficult for me to speak to my family and friends about these matters. I have read your site, and was interested in your writings well before we started contacting each other. You seem to hold a value on ethics and religion which I admire and trust. And last time you wrote you said something that I have felt strongly the same way. When I wrote about how I can be my own worst enemy, you agreed but said you are the only one who can find your own salvation. I will take any advice you give into strong consideration of course with my own annihilation and maybe debate with you. I am strongly aware that you are trying to help me help myself, not be some magician who is going to cure me by waving a wand. I realize I am the most important factor in the equation but guidance is what I seek.

That aside, My girlfriend has finished her AA Degree and will be continuing this semester to get her BA at a Private School near her home. She has her goals set on a Masters Degree in Psychology. She is an Art Therapy Major now, she hopes to get a job working with children deal with their problems. She is a very good artist and a good hearted person I hope she does achieve her dreams.

Yes, My parents are my finical supports, I have very little money at this time in my life. I work in the Ceramics Lab at school, making clay and assisting graduate students with there work. I work no more then 12 hours a week, that is what the school allows for my financial background. There is really not any other jobs worth getting off campus, it is an agricultural town and not much else in it. My father has been very helpful in his financial support to me which I am grateful for, my mother does not help me in anyway financially or with encouragement. Basically, I get dinner from her when I am home that is about the extent of her support.

As for myself, I never knew what I want to be. It is sad to say that I truly went blindly into this field without knowing what it was truly about. When I was at Community College I took classes in Radio and Film, there were many communications courses that I took in that 2 years. When I transferred I switched my major from Radio and TV to this because I thought working in the TV or Movie industry was an unrealistic goal. As the semesters past at [school] I realized that the field I was studying in is basically a cover up for bad ethical practices in this country. My professors especially the one I dislike with deny this at all coasts. But I know that PR is nothing more then "Spin Doctors" or they try to boost hype in things with no value or importance. I was extremely discouraged but since I hated being at the school so much I said "I only have a year left, I will just try and finish and sort my options from there" I had a lack of good academic advice and I also was extremely confused in what I want to do with my life. I am so close know (1 more semester) I deserve this degree for putting in the time, so I don't want to quit now, but I think I could probably teach a thing or 2 to my Professors on the ethics of Humanity. But this is why you can see why I have zero interest in school at this time.

I am not against learning by any means. I have did a great deal of studying on my own on many things. I could probably teach courses on World War I & II I have studied them so much. Also I have been very much into computers and self teaching myself many different fields such as Graphic Design, Web Design, and Basic Networking.

I think you wanted to know more about the Music my band played in High School, it was I guess you could say very aggressive loud rock, you probably would close your ears when hearing it :) But one thing that some adults don't realize is that sometimes the message is more important then the music. My group was all about a positive message and we basically got together to escape drugs in school which was a popular alternative.

I realize that I need an important thing to focus my life to, goals of some sort. This is the difficult thing to do because there is so much uncertainty in my life. I think feeling better is my first priority but maybe the 2 will come together with goals? I know one thing, I don't want to sit back and just go with the flow of life, I would truly like to get involved and make a difference for the better in peoples lives somehow or someway. When I get back to school, I think I will start going to church again even if its by myself. I had a friend who I went with but she grew quite attached to me and wanted to pursue a relationship. There is a Protestant Church in town (Methodist) I was thinking about stopping in there for a sermon, we got it Mass, I am not sure what Protestants call it. I have some soul searching to do in the up coming weeks, I think Church is a good place to start.

I look forward to hearing from you, my many thanks. Bill

Dear Bill,
I'm pondering, and will write again on Monday.

Karl Loren

Dear Bill,

I've pondered a bit.

I'd like to do two different things with you now.

First, I absolutely pledge to respond to every personal message you send me -- that is the most valuable thing I can do -- listen with understanding. I will be happier in responding when I start hearing that you are getting happier -- that would be a measure of "our" success.

Second, I have written a whole web site on "getting happy," and would like you to do some reading there. That web site is based on my assessment that a great deal of the unhappiness in our society is caused by drugs and sex -- bad use of. It certainly seems that YOU are not in this category. Nonetheless, many others are. You will find that YOUR OWN happiness is often caused the behavior of others who are close to you. So, even if you don't personally have a problem with drugs and sex, you may well have friends who do. You continued association with THOSE friends can drive you to depression. Once you recognize the types of behavior, of others, that will cause YOU to be depressed, you start to have lots of choices. This web site is at: http://www.happinessonline.org click and read.

That web site mentions, here and there, a book that I offer for free. There are links you can click to get a free copy of that book. Just now those links lead you to a restricted web site -- so the whole process is still not all working. But, if you will send me your mailing address, I'll send you two free copies of a common sense moral code -- you'll find you probably agree with every one of the 21 precepts for happy living that are in this little book. It is a non-religious book.

Now, back to the first pledge, to continue to respond::: When will you be in college again? Do you have a computer there? Will you have time to continue these exchanges?

The basic situation you have to handle is to get out from under negative influences. Apparently this would be mostly your mother. This means that you must find a way to become financially independent of her. It is very difficult to get out from under that influence when you depend on her (or your father, for that matter) for money.

I understand that finishing college seems very important to you -- I would suggest that it is more important to have some strong feelings about what you want to do in life.

What you want to "BE" is not a useful way to approach this -- what you might now write back to me about is, "What you want to produce, in life."

What is it that you want to make, produce, create, that others will find useful, and pay money to you for doing it.

You can look at your future in terms of what you want to BE -- such as a sports figure, or artist, etc., but such goals are not useful.

Instead, look at what you enjoy making, what doingness you do well that produces something that others will find valuable. This may be a bit strange, philosophically, for you, but we can explore it more.

Another approach to this is to look into your past and find the things you have done of which you were most proud -- and the things which others found the most valuable to THEM.

Let's travel down these two roads a bit -- see how it goes.

Karl Loren

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January 21, 2002
Hello Karl,

I will have access to a computer, I am bringing with me and will be able to keep contact as regular as I am now. I am leaving tomorrow morning (Tuesday). I already think we have scratched the surface, and would like to continue learning.

Right now will try and isolate negative things in my life and avoid them whenever possible. I am going to try and approach this semester with a positive attitude, being negative about it will only bring more grief. I am sure there I can find some constructive things to do even in this 15 week time period.

I have packing to do now and have to say my good-bye's to a few people, I will read that web site either tonight or tomorrow. Last night I read a few things of your web site that interested me. I read your life story, it seemed like quite an adventure but as we both know the journey most likely never ends. Another thing that caught my attention from your was a comment that was made in reference to people taking the vitamin supplements. I think it stated something as follows "some people who are healthy feel that they are sick, and others who are in bad health do not feel like they are ill "

I'm sure this passage in not verbatim. I would like you to comment on this. (if you remember the passage). I wonder sometimes if I am a healthy person who tricked myself into thinking I am sick. Sometimes if you believe something enough you find a way to make it true. I would gladly like to hear your thoughts on this.

In the mean time I will to more of your suggested readings and email you when

I am settled into my dorm room.

My appreciation as always -

Bill

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Dear Bill,

A good message. "Good" to means that you are looking outward, solving your problems.

Even though your current studies may not lead to satisfying employment, I would agree that society so values a degree that it is good to "have" one, even if it is not all that useful.

You should then expect to launch a new learning time, while working enough to be independent, and start aiming at a truly happy and productive life.

Those words you thought I might have written? Not mine in that format, but I certainly agree with them.

My personal religious philosophy teaches me that almost all illness is caused by mental sources -- and that ONLY spiritual gain can actually handle them. Vitamins and good food, etc., can be helpful, even vital, but ultimately, your health is in your head. I can certainly write about that in whatever detail interests you.

When you say that you will "isolate" the negative things in life? That will almost only and always be people, not things. If you think, for instance, that some situation, or thing, is causing you some problem? If you look more accurately you'll see that there is some person who is the real cause.

Negative people have many characteristics in common -- when I get your address and send you that little book, you'll see the two sides, the good and the bad, of behavior in others. It will help to easily spot those who are negative influences.

I look forward to hearing from you when you can.

Karl

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-----Original Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2002 12:21 PM
To: karl@karlloren.com
Subject: Re: Next Steps

Hello Karl,

I am back at school now, I am certainly a bit nervous but like I said will try and make the most of these weeks. I will write a more detailed letter as soon as I am completely settled in, I will also include my mailing address incase you want to send me that literature that you had suggested reading.

In your last email you wrote to me: ultimately, your health is in your head. I can certainly write about that in whatever detail interests you.
I was hoping you could go into more detail on this statement. I was also wondering if you had any tips on helping me keep my focus positive.

I think one of my biggest problems is when I get in negative moods I have trouble sleeping and I usually toss and turn dwelling on things. I would say this may be my biggest problem. When I get a good nights sleep I usually face the day in a much more positive attitude, but this is much easier said then done in my case (when I have a tendency to be sad or anxious over nothing)

I look forward to hearing from you again and taking this journey onto enlightenment. My girlfriend tells me sometimes that all things happen for a reason, and maybe my situation may be a way to find out who the person I want to be is and what values I should hold most dear. I am glad I do not have to go down this road alone. Talk to you soon. -Bill-

Thanks, Bill, for more data,

I'm going to "evaluate you" a bit -- I've suggested that those who evaluate for you are often the cause of your own unhappiness.

But, it is also true that any help I can give you must be real to me as much as it is real to you.

It is NOT real to me, for instance, that any pill or drug can help you.

What I am convinced will help you, you may not accept.

I've alluded to this, and suggested it, but you have not yet commented.

In my article on Terrorism I write about how people can feel very depressed because of the disaster in NYC, but how, for instance, that FIREMAN in Ohio handle his own situation.

I'd like you to read that. It starts here: http://www.insteadof.com/TerrorAttack/p2.htm

You must DO something, not read or think, or figure. You can keep a positive focus with physical work, exercise, sweat, doing something that requires OUTWARD attention.

Your depression is INSIDE -- it is you being stuck in past incidents. You need to UNSTICK -- and that is easy to do when you are working hard, exercising, doing anything physical.

Going to school is a very passive activity -- it gives you lots of opportunity to ponder, and think, and get stuck in past incidents of unhappiness.

You need to get your attention into the present. You should take up some exercise -- something competitive, like tennis, or racquetball, or whatever. Running and jogging are OK, but it is also easy to run and be thinking, stuck in the past.

If you can't sleep at night? That is the exactly right time to go running -- keep your attention on the buildings, cars, people around you -- not inward. As you run you will feel more energy, believe it or not.

Then, run back, take a shower if you can -- that will relax you nicely for sleep. Taking a calcium/magnesium drink is excellent for this too. Buy a pre-mixed calcium/magnesium powder (with an acid base) mix with boiling water, dissolve, add ice cubes or cold water to drink -- about one cup of this, with a large heaping teaspoon of the powder mixture.

You have to get out of the idea that thoughts or ideas are going to help you -- you need to get your attention out of the past and into the present and future.

Present? That usually means moving your body -- watching what you are doing.

Let me know what you actually do along this line??

Karl

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-----Original Message-----

Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2002 7:50 PM
To: karl@karlloren.com
Subject: RE: Next Steps

Hi Karl,

I read the fireman story, I certainly understand the steps he took that make such a difference. Instead of submitting to terror he did the most he could to help the situation.

I also agree with you totally, if I dwell in the past and have my mind fixed in the past there can be no way of healing myself.

If a am reading you correctly you want me to get involved in some sort of project or work that I can get a sense of satisfaction from doing?

Today I hung out with one my few school friends, he is very much into fitness and practices collegic wrestling and other self defense methods.

He brought me to the gym and we lifted some weights then hit the wrestling mats. He is a good teacher, I learned a few moves and felt a lot better when I was done. There is a lot of down time at school I think it will be good if I involve myself in things like this. My friend is trying to start a club for wrestling and self defense. I told him I will be a part of it and help him out in anyway. I guess its not much but its a start.

Karl if you were questioning whether you are getting your messages into my head, you are. I hear the message you speak.

I am getting it now, actions speak louder then words, I have to get my butt involved somehow. Wanting to help myself is not enough, I think this is what you imply. I cant just want, I have to do. let me know your thoughts.

Sincerely, Bill

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Dear Bill,

That's great. I wrestled in High School, then again in college. I was supposed to wrestle 155, but once the coach needed me at 145, and I spent the whole trip to the match spitting -- finally got down low enough, and promptly lost.

I loved wrestling.

I thought I was in pretty good shape when I was in the Army, but I was really a desk jockey, and when I then left for Harvard, to go to the Business School, I thought I would check in with the Harvard Varsity wrestling squad.

They had no problem with me working out with them one afternoon. On average I was about 5 years older than any of them!!

I felt pretty fair for a couple hours, but then realized that I wasn't quite able to walk back to the locker room. I did make it. But, as I recall, it took me more than one hour just to get my clothes off and get in the shower. I don't think I could move a muscle for days. Wrestling was, I decided, a young kid's sport.

But, you are right on track.

What do they call them?? "Spins?"

Your "twin" is on all fours, on the mat, and you are on top, your chest on his back. You then spin around with your feet and your chest as the only points of contact. He lets you do it, at first, and then starts to dip and roll -- you are, all the time, practicing balance. Trying to stay on his back, not using your hands, just chest and feet -- while he tries to throw you off (no hands, of course).

I suspect that when you do that for a while ALL your attention will be in present time -- you cannot think much about the past when you are doing that. You will surely sweat -- a good sign of "doingness."

You should sleep well that night? If not, then you didn't practice enough.

So, very well done.

On the Fireman story, part of the real moral here is about his wife -- back home. It wasn't that HE was being a hero, it was that he was DOING something. His wife was not a hero, but she was DOING something. Even if what she did was not very useful, it was DOING.

You don't have to be a hero. You don't have to DO wonderful things -- just DO!

When you are doing something, physical, you can hardly stay in a funk.

There is another expression of this, linked to that same article, at here: http://www.insteadof.com/TerrorAttack/p46.htm

It is hard to believe that a simple physical doingness, even without much purpose, can be so therapeutic.

It is NOT the answer to your quest for data about "Your health is in your head" but it is an important start in that direction.

Believe me, we'll get to the spiritual and mental side of all this -- but the first remedy is for you to get into present time. That doesn't erase the painful incidents of the past, but it gets you unstuck from them -- long enough to get started on some better path.

Well done!

Cordially,

Karl

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January 23, 2002
Hi Karl
All seems to be going well here.

At work today I started a painting project. It should take me a few hours each day to finish up by the weekend. It keeps my mind of things which is good.

Falling and staying asleep at night is still a problem, probably my biggest hurdle as of right now. If I were sleeping better id worry less at night and have more energy in the day to focus. I still get some weird dreams and occasional nightmares but they are less then I was having last semester.

I will try and get the calcium/mag power you recommend as soon as possible, right now I have calcium /mag liquid soft gels I am not sure if that works as good as the powder you recommended.

My attitude is more positive and I try to focus more on each day then my worries and decisions I made in the past.

I'm looking forward to spring, the snow and cold weather can always lower spirits. If I get through this I think that I have learned a very valuable lesson which is to think things through before making an important life decision.

When you asked me why I came to this school and picked this major, I truly searched my heart and did not have good reasoning for making those decisions, to me this is unacceptable.

I failed myself by not think my decisions through, and paid the piper for it.

I hope all is well with you, and I will try and write you soon either tonight or tomorrow depending when you get back to me.

Regards,

Bill

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January 23, 2002
Dear Bill,

That's a good report!

Calcium and magnesium, taken together will relax the muscles, and allow you to sleep rather easily. In order to be effective this way, they need to be in an "acidic" base. Often there is dried apple cider used in the base.

There is one commercial preparation, called "Calm" that is fine -- buy in packets or a can of powder.

With this powder you mix a heaping teaspoon into water that is boiling. The heat is necessary to get a quick dissolving. It should have virtually no taste.

Add ice cubes or cold water so you can drink it -- it will store for quite a while too.

Too much of this and you can get diarrhea, but one glass, or a large cup should not cause that problem.

Don't overlook the value of exercise just before bed -- it can really help.

I suspect that at your tender young age you are in a hurry to move through life. I believe I was. As you get older, I suppose a sign of age, you slow down in many ways.

I've asked you what you have been proud of "doing" and even more importantly, what you have been proud of "making" -- something that others found valuable.

This is the key to planning a future.

You can always change what you want to do in life, but if you start with something that you are already good at, and enjoy, at least you can have a happy start.

So, what have you produced that you are proud of?? That others liked??

Cordially,

Karl

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January 24, 2002
Hi Karl,

A few quick things I have been pondering.

Keep in mind I am not ignoring your questions of what things in my life I am proud of doing and what things others appreciated.

It is very hard for me to say, I am proud of the music that I made in high school, people seemed to enjoy it because they came to see my band play.

I am also proud of my athletic accomplishments in the past, looking back now, as I am not in nearly as good mental or physical shape as I was a few years ago, I realize my abilities were superior to the average athlete of my age.

I suppose I also offered quality friendship and companionship to the people I cared about, I can honestly think that my personality and friendship has enriched a few people's lives. I feel bad, but these are the only things I can truly say I have a sense of pride about.

I still play my guitar and have a caring attitude towards others but I am not sure how these things can help me in my future.

I must say, I would love to get into health and fitness again. I miss being apart of sports. My friends at home want me to be a part of a martial arts gym they go to at home, it teaches kickboxing, wrestling, and Ju-Jitsu.

I know I can have the physical ability to be a part of this, but I think my emotional state has to be fixed before I can regain my physical strength.

I've noticed over the past year that when I try to get out of my rut with physical activities, but for no reason, be it I'll loose sleep or get a depressive or anxious bout, I fall back with a relapse and I am back to square 1. This seems to happen in cycles. I began to get out of my rut and fall back in it. I thought this information may be important, I have left it out in prior emails.

I was also curious about how I may be able to measure my progress, how will I know that I am truly getting better?

Sincerely,

Bill

Dear Bill,

While the "appreciation" of others is a good start, what you must ultimately do, in life, is PRODUCE something which others are willing to pay money for.

Typically, in a job, you work on the computer, shovel dirt, clean floors, or whatever you do -- you PRODUCE "computer entries," a "ditch dug" or a "clean floor." These are things that people can HAVE, and if these are well produced, and they were wanted, people pay for them.

Life is a game, and in this game you must produce something found valuable by others -- not just appreciated.

It would not be necessary that money is the only exchange you get -- an admiring audience listening to your music, is a good start, but eventually they need to be buying tickets to listen.

So, you will need to figure out what you can produce and do enjoy producing -- that others want and need, that serves their interests, and for which they will give you something valuable to you, in exchange. Money is typical.

When you "produce" friendship -- it is hard to figure, and few people will pay you to be a friend. So, being a good a friend is OK, but you need to build your life on a basic production of something others are willing to pay for.

That is life.

There is no sense in producing something that you hate to produce. Most people are working at jobs they hate! Terrible.

So, figure out what you enjoy DOING, and then figure out how you can convert that doingness into something you produce that others want and will pay for.

Believe me, if you can do this (and I can help you get it done) you will be many miles ahead of most people in our society who have never taken a look at life this way.

That gym? That could be a great product for you -- those people may not make a lot of money, but you will also have to decide how important money is -- compared with being happy at what you do.

I am fortunate in that what I do also makes lots of money for me -- you can certainly aim for something like that.

I thought you were doing a wrestling thing at school? No? Is it at home?

You think that your "emotional state" must be "fixed" before you can get into the gym thing? Not true.

The gym thing will be extremely therapeutic for you -- as I have been repeating, a lot, depression is caused by being stuck in some past incidents -- getting out of those past incidents merely requires that you get your attention and interest into present time.

It is hard to get unstuck from the past when you are, for instance, not doing anything -- lots of time to "worry."

Be busy -- be physical -- you past will be separated from you -- not erased (I can do that for you too, but not through eMail), but gone for now.

You wrote:

I've noticed over the past year that when I try to get out of my rut with physical activities, but for no reason, be it I'll loose sleep or get a depressive or anxious bout, I fall back with a relapse and I am back to square 1. This seems to happen in cycles. I began to get out of my rut and fall back in it. I thought this information may be important, I have left it out in prior emails.

This IS important.

This is a good sign that there is SOME PERSON who is still affecting you. This "some person" is invalidating you, and telling you to think about yourself, actually this person is suppressive to you. This person is causing you to dive back into the past unhappiness, so you feel like doing nothing but worry.

Often this person acts in a very covert manner -- pretending to be your good friend, but actually wanting to harm you.

You can be very active physically -- that helps you get unstuck. But this "person" then comes along and makes a few remarks, and you are back in the soup.

I've sent you those Books -- two of them. You'll find 21 "precepts" which are different types of behavior.

You read through the book, then look around you and see who you know who is violating one or more of these precepts for happy living.

The one person who is close to you, and who is violating many of these precepts? That is a very likely candidate for the suppressive who causes you to go up and down in life.

Let me know who you find? Could be your mother? Might be a couple people? Usually it is ONE!

How will you know that you are better? Fewer and fewer moments of anxiety, unhappiness. More and more pride in whatever you are doing! Looking more into the future, instead of into the past!

Let me know.

Karl

Hi Karl,

The Martial arts Gym is in my home town. I want to pursue something with that when I get home, with my best friend Dave, we already have plans for it.

At school, I wrestle with Dave's brother. I believe I left this information out, that Dave has a brother who goes to my school. He is one of my few friends at school, I would say we are friends basically through Dave. He is a very hard person to pin point his attitude as being positive or negative. I enjoy his friendship but he is a person that you can easily say is "Shady"

He has been teaching me wrestling on and off since last semester. I enjoy learning the stuff he is teaching me because it will help prepare me for the summer when I join the Martial Arts Gym. I like Jim but I fear he may be a negative influence on me, but I am not sure. He has a bad attitude and has less respect for life then I do. I know that much. He is not like his brother in personality at all. The only thing they share in common is there love for wrestling and Boxing and Martial arts.

Jim is a very good athlete, and a good teacher, I just wish I could tell if he is good hearted like his brother is. But maybe the books you send me can teach me who my enemies are. I look forward to reading them with great eagerness. I want rise above the lunacy of this morally backwards society. You are right when you say that making an extreme amount of money is not needed for happiness, doing the things you love is probably more important.

One quick note: the martial arts gym at home teaches mixed martial arts which is a combination of wrestling, kickboxing, and Brazilian Ju Jitsu. Hence the term MIXED martial arts.

One thing I wanted to ask you is about the erasing of my past. I agree that my past is my weakness, I easily can draw up emotion from thinking about things and my failures. You said you can help me live in the present by email but to erase the past would require more. I was wondering what you meant by that and if it could be possible.

My thanks as always. -

Bill

January 24, 2002
Dear Bill,

Now might be a good time for a quick self-assessment.

See what you think?

Compare, as you can, your attitude and tone at the time of your first message, which was, as follows:

I developed an anxiety problem right before I left for school. (I board not stay at home) I always had good mental wellness up until this point in my life.

It all changed after a panic attack that caused my anxiety troubles. For the next year I was dwelling on my physical conditions wondering if there was something wrong with me, or if I was going to die.

The following year brings us to where we are now. (The first 2 years of my schooling was at a local college in my neighborhood)

The past semester of school was truly unbearable after the terrorist attacks in my hometown I grew emotionally unattached from the world.

I was deeply disturbed by the madness. I began to have major depression over my anxiety troubles, which made my life from manageable to abominable.

I am very unhappy with the conditions of school, the people I am forced to interact with and the courses I am taking. These factors did not make things any better. My family with exception to my brother have not been supportive and think I over exaggerate my troubles.

I saw a Doctor and his only advice was for me to start taking drugs and medications to solve the problem, he pretty much told me that there was no alternatives. I started a regiment of medication for about a week and it made me feel even worse.

So, compare that with your last few eMails to me.

What do you think?

Those books were mailed probably yesterday. Let me know what you think. Yes, they can help you evaluate Jim, and yes, "shady" would be an attribute which could be a violation of the precept, "Don't break the law."

I think you will find that it is not difficult to spot the suppressive in your life -- it is not subtle.

Finally, I can get into the erasure of those past incidents, but let me assure you that the "erasure" does not mean that you cannot then recall the DATA. The data is always there, but the upset that had been riding along with it is erased -- so you still can recall it all, but without upset. This will be another day.

I'd like to see you making some real progress on winning in life.

Cordially,

Karl Loren

January 25, 2002
Hello Karl,

Wow, looking back to my 1st email really shows me that I have made some progress.

I know putting the past behind me and gearing my life towards the future is going to be a gradual process and it won't happen over night. But the more good days I have here the easier I think things will get.

I try to stay focussed everyday and keep busy. I think it is helping. I feel like a person who had a bad leg injury that is beginning to heal. You know it is still tender so you have to be cautious when using it and proceed with care. I think my heeling is starting to begin but the semester is far from over, I am sure I will have my lonely days or anxious days but I will try and keep having less and less of them and more productive and busy days.

I ordered the "calm" mix and hopefully with plenty of exercise and activities, the combination with help me get my sleep patters more normal.

I began reading my Bible again, Last semester I started with the New Testament but this time I am starting from page one Genesis.

I find it amazing that such an ancient book holds so much knowledge and wisdom, I am not sure why more people today do not read it and try to understand it for what it truly is worth. Even people do not believe is Jesus or even a Heaven, there is still so many quality moral lessons to be learned. I look forward to getting your books, I hope they come by next week. They sound both intrusting and at the same time will be beneficial to my self advancement.

I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the part of your Bio (from your web page) about how you started your custodian business. It brought a smile on my face, when you said that you knew nothing about cleaning bathrooms, so you spent your nights scrubbing toilets.

It was like, well there's only one way to learn.

When I took this painting project at work I lied to my boss telling him I knew how to paint (I really wanted to have the job, because I thought it would help me keep my mind off stuff).

I've never painted in my life until a few days ago. A friend at work showed me how the basics of painting (setting drop clothes, priming, using rollers and brushes, cleaning)

I've started working very hard to a good job. Yesterday I told my boss I never painted a day in my life and his face dropped, he couldn't believe it, because the job I was doing was to his satisfaction.

I devote 2-3 hours a day on painting the new shelves and cabinets for the schools cermics dept. The people down there are very nice and I learn a lot from them. The pay is pretty low but it keeps me busy, so I guess that is most important.

Thanks for listening Karl and I will hear from you soon I'm sure. -Bill

(One other thing I included my picture, just so you could put the name to the face so they say)

Dear Bill,

Thanks.

My pay for these messages, incidentally, is seeing you winning in life.

So, thanks for more of that, too.

I've done the same as you on painting. When I was a janitor, someone asked me could I strip the varnish off the old floor and put down a new coat? "Sure," I says, with no experience. I probably spent 50 hours instead of 10, but the customer was happy and I had learned some new technology.

I would guess that, in the Bible, the wisdom you are finding was all inside yourself. Millions of people read that Bible, and get different messages out of it -- that is why so many go to a Church where they expect the Minister to tell them what the meaning of some verse is .

Get your own meaning! That is probably the most healthy thing you can do -- as long as you are not so depressed that you "read into" the Bible only depressing messages.

I'm going off for two days of vacation with my wife, so won't be responding until late Sunday or Monday to any more messages.

Cordially,

Karl

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Sunday, January 27, 2002 7:20 PM
To: karl@karlloren.com
Subject: greetings

Hi Karl,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend holiday with your wife. Things are pretty calm around by me. I went for a 5 mile nature trek with my 2 buddies.

School is going to be a bit hectic this week, but that's life. I think I have been well for the most part. Of course occasionally I tend to get upset or fear that things will get as bad as they did last semester, but id say I stay more positive then negative.

This week I hope to get the books you sent me and my Calm calcium mix.

I look forward to both. I was also thinking about visiting my girlfriend next weekend if all goes well. I miss her and think it might be therapeutic to see her. I hope all is well with you and to hear from you soon.

Bill:)

Dear Bill

Sounds Great!

When you visit your girlfriend, does that mean you also spend time with your mother?

It would be good if those books arrive before you see your mother again. I sent you TWO books so that you can keep one, and give the other to someone close to you.

You might be surprised that she will enjoy the book. She can get two free from me, also, or she can buy them at $25 for a bundle of 12 -- from http://www.twth.org

I had a nice trip -- visited the San Diego Wild Animal Park.

Regards,

Karl

Hi Karl,

No if I visit my girlfriend I will stay at her house and not go to my home at all.

Her parents let me stay in the guest room.

They know my folks do not like me to come on weekends too often (they think it interferes with my school work or some nonsense). I usually leave after my classes are all finished and come back after the weekend.

I think things are better with me.

They could be a lot worse. I feel more confident that I will make it then I did last semester. It is hard to go through everyday and stay focused on the present and future 100%.

I think this road of progress may be a lot more gradual then I hoped for, I was wondering if you think that is an accurate assumption.

I don't think I will wake up one morning and say wow life is grand. I am kinda thinking that maybe if I try and make each day or week a little bit better then the one before, that might be a good start.

Well I will try and remain focused, and your insights are always welcomed, -

Bill-

Dear Bill,

Progress doesn't have to be slow, but whatever advice and comments I can give, from a distance, and through only these written messages, limits what I can do.

You can move very fast == extremely fast.

I suppose the thing to do is to be reasonably sure that you have the right future plan, and then go for it with speed and joy.

Staying at her house! Sounds like a good solution. But, recognize this. When you do that you are building more barriers between yourself and your parents. Some day they will "find out" that you have been coming to town and deliberately not letting them know. This is more a sign of the poor relationship, now, than a prediction of a bad one to come.

You'll find that one of the greatest obstacles to happiness, and particularly having any good relationships, is to withhold from others that which you think, probably, they ought to know. It harms you as well as them.

I'd like to comment on, and question you about, your attitude during these last several weeks of school.

I think it is wise to go for the degree -- even if you are not happy about the choices of subjects.

The degree will seem valuable to others, even if not so much to you.

Probably, then, the key to getting through these weeks is to realize that your "game" is to graduate, and perhaps to learn something as you go.

It is not at all too early to find some NEW subject about which you ARE very excited, and start some study "on the side." If that is martial arts? Don't wait until you get back home to start on that. Whatever you think might be a good subject for future plans? Start looking now. It will keep you interested in the future.

I'd like to hear that you are keeping up with some exercise or physical work?

Your girlfriend, if then not your mother, might be a good person to give that second copy of that Book to.

Regards,

Karl Loren

Dear Karl,

Yes, I will be staying at my girlfriends this weekend. I know it is not right to hide this from my parents, I understand what you are saying. I will not make a habit out of this. I think only this one time I will do it this semester and maybe go to my house on the rest.

I should not have to hide the fact that I would like to visit home on occasional hectic weeks. But I will reconsider my lack of honesty towards the situation with my folks. I know it will be very hard but I still want to have the best relationship possible with them. They are still my parents and deserve my respect.

My classes are not too bad this semester. I changed my schedule to get out of some of those worthless public relations classes. I only have 1 now instead of 3.

Most classes were booked, but I got into an ecology class, History of the Civil War, Communism and the Soviet Union, Intro to African Brazilian History.

The PR class I am taking is called PR Publications. History was my minor throughout school, so I took more of them then PR, because I only needed then 1 more to graduate. The class on Communism seems very interesting, they will be a lot of theoretical thinking about ways they could have made it work or ways that the people could have helped dissolve the system sooner.